Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
