Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
