When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
