Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
