This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
