No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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