I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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