I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
