My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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