I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
then he tried to convert me to islam
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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