"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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