if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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