I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
