forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
