Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
