I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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