I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
