last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
