I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've blown a few things in my day
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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