if you like me you must not know who I am
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
