C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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