ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
