I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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