ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
