everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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