i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
