so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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