I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
please come you make the beer taste better
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
