with your own penis?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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