it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just invented taco cereal.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
