my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
