Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just google imaged poop.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
