two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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