i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
