dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
