Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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