let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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