yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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