Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
