So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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