Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
