just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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