the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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