Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
