I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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