her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
