Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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