Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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