dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
