i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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