from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
